Spray on the Tanning Tax

The Senate’s brand-new 10 percent tax on indoor tanning services is bound to lead to some further creative thinking about how to generate extra revenue to cover the costs of health care reform.

Here are some additional proposals as the House and Senate start to work on reconciling the differences between their 2,000-odd-page legislation:

Body Wax Tax: A tax of 16.25 percent would apply to all services involving hair removal from parts of the body besides the scalp and face, with an extra 5 percent applied to hair removal from the back.

Lipo Tax: A tax of 20 percent would be siphoned out of the cost of any liposuction procedures and would be calculated according to the pound of flesh so extracted. Residents of the state of Nebraska would be exempted from said tax.

Pilates Tax: An 8.5 percent tax would be added to the cost of membership in any facility with plate glass windows where passersby can see people, or videos of people, doing inexplicable exercises on costly-looking equipment.

Spa Treatment Tax: A 15 percent tax would be imposed on all spa treatments at high-end resorts enjoyed by individual taxpayers with adjusted gross incomes of $200,000 or more, or couples with AGI of $250,000 or more. An additional 5 percent tax would be levied on pedicures, hydrotherapy, Dead Sea salt scrubs, seaweed wraps, and antioxidant facials.

Ped Egg Tax: An extra 5 percent excise tax would be filed off of all sales of the amazing Ped Egg pedicure foot file, as seen on TV. An additional 2.5 percent sales tax would apply to all sets of 3-pack replacement blades. This tax is estimated to raise $3 billion over the next 10 years, assuming that the distributor of the Pedi Egg continues to run late-night infomercials and taxpayers continue to get foot calluses.