“To boldly go where no man has gone before” could well describe the kind of work accountants have to go through with their clients’ shoeboxes full of receipts and bills.

In honor of the release of the new Star Trek movie, which I must confess I have yet to see, here’s a list of some ways the average CPA firm can become more like Captain Kirk’s crew.

1.    Find a weird hand signal that means either, “Live long and prosper,” or “My hand feels cramped from typing all these numbers into an Excel spreadsheet.”

2.    Take the firm up to warp factor five, or the speed you generally go about a week before April 15.

3.    Raise the deflector shields, especially if the IRS contacts your clients about scheduling an audit.

4.    Try the Vulcan mind meld when you can’t understand what your client is trying to tell you about why his children should be counted as a business expense.

5.    Appoint a skilled liaison to deal with the Klingons and the Romulans, also known as the IRS and the PCAOB.

6.    Have Scotty beam you up to the bridge whenever your flight gets delayed and you need to get back to the office right away.

7.    Say, “That’s highly illogical,” whenever an auditor challenges one of your client’s deductions.

8.    Establish a work/life balance between fighting aliens and making out with scantily clad Venusians.

9.    Set your phaser gun on stun when someone complains too much about getting a low tax refund.

10.    Tell the managing partner, “I can’t do it, Captain, I can’t defy the laws of physics,” if he asks you to do more than five tax returns a day.

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