My oldest and dearest friend, Otto, a retired award-winning film producer (I had to get that in; he still has delusions of more grandeur), called me to say that he is having his first grandchild the end of May. He was delirious and was thinking of setting up all kinds of educational and trust funds, not to mention the purchase of various stocks and bonds, and the requisite panda. I told him to cool it. He was going about this wrong.

Football pools are the answer, I said.

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